gnat faces her impending move

i spent the morning putting up the craigslist ad, responding to requests to show the apartment, packing up the things i won't need over the next few weeks, and creating a list of things i need to pawn off on somebody before i leave. the list is more than a little haphazard, and putting it together reminded me of the first entry i ever posted on this blog as i prepared to leave los angeles:

things gnat needs to work up the nerve to throw away today:
- "bison" colored can of paint. ("bison" is a nicer description, it seems, for the color of crap. it's a can of crap colored paint.)
- four sets of banged up but still functional plastic drawers.
- 17284392925 plastic hangers. can i donate these? sell them back to target?
- a pirate flag. yep, a pirate flag.
- pennies. a billion pennies. wtf, pennies. i can't even use you to do my laundry. you suck.


it's funny, i find myself again needing to get rid of 17284392925 plastic hangers and approximately a billion pennies. seriously, pennies. wtf.

i came here two years ago with two suitcases and nothing else, how in the name of all the plastic hangers in all the gin joints in all the world did i amass so much stuff? if you or anyone you know in the greater chicago area can find any use for an easel, a robin hood costume (complete with bow and arrows and teddy bear little john), or the aforementioned hangers please let me know.

i'm already experiencing separation anxiety.

gnat cries wolf

after two days of anxiety, tense conversations, visits from supportive friends, and general freaking out, cara and i signed the forms to say that we have withdrawn our intent to sublet the apartment.

(it was only fitting that we celebrated with a cupcake from more)


what this means is that i'm staying - until when exactly, i'm not sure, but i will not be vacating at the end of march.


it's dramatic, i know, but coming that close to giving up the apartment felt something like the chicago residency equivalent of a near death experience. until the end was staring me in the face, i didn't realize how much i wasn't ready for it. my life in chicago has become routine - i guess i've lost my sense of wonder, or at least my will to act on it and take advantage of everything the city has to offer. it's time to shake off the complacency and really enjoy what remains of my time here. i want to be sure that when it actually is time to leave, i don't do it with feelings of regret.

that said, it's time to make a bucket list. what things do i absolutely need to accomplish before i leave? what things do i need to go back and do again? help me interwebs - i want to do this right.

gnat: a true chicagoan?

i had intended to write this post yesterday, my 500th day of living in chicago. i realize that 500 days of chicago residency is a totally arbitrary milestone, but it was either this or one year six months, or two years, and who knows where i'll be by then.

in any case, 500 days seemed as good a time as any to ask myself - am i a true chicagoan? sure, i've been here for more than a year. i've gotten the hang of dressing for weather, and i am more than proficient at getting just about anywhere by CTA (and getting home by CTA while toting a variety of strange and unwieldy items).

this thought process began a few months ago when taylor moved to los angeles, practically into my old backyard, to start at a job in the hospital i worked at before moving here. we started talking about what experiences she would need to have to qualify as a "true angeleno" - angeleno being a word that is technically more correct than "los angelean" or any other permutation thereof, but is still rarely used by any person actually claiming to be from los angeles. because taylor, who spent a few years in chicago as a kid and lived here long before i did, and eileen, who was born and raised in the south suburbs, have for the last year or so observed amusedly my alien-like reactions to all things new and unfamiliar in chicago life, i asked them to put together a list for me to check my "chicago-ness" against. here's a summary of what they came up with:

1. you've been to a cubs game inside wrigley field (unless you're a sox fan, in which case you pride yourself on never having been - pick a side, north or south)

ok, so i watched a cubs game from a rooftop across the street but i've never actually set foot inside of wrigley field.

i'm tempted to proclaim this requirement null and void, as i am generally not a sports enthusiast anyway (unless UCLA is playing, that is) and my only motivations for attending this game were novelty and wanting to entertain baseball-loving visitors. i have no real allegiance to either the cubs or the sox, let alone to both. perhaps part of being a true chicagoan is giving a crap about baseball, in which case i'm 0/1.

2. have spotted vince vaughn


now 0/2 - i've never seen vince vaughn, although apparently he's all but ubiquitous in chicago and lives mere blocks from me. i thought celebrity spotting was an LA thing?

3. know the correct order at the billy goat


double cheese, unless of course the special is a triple.

i have never been to the original location, only the ridiculously shady one located under michigan avenue, but i know my order - 1/3.

4. say you won't go to navy pier because it's too touristy, go anyway because there's cool stuff there but complain the whole time about the tourists


guilty many, many times over. i've even ridden the ferris wheel, which in my opinion is a waste of $6.

yeah, navy pier is a long cement walkway packed with sweaty, slow-moving tourists, but sometimes it has cool things like oktoberfest or the stained glass museum or the snow sculpting competition. the end of it even has a view that's not half bad.

 that said, i would never admit to having enjoyed a trip there. 2/4.

5. refer to the willis tower as the sears tower


pretty sure the whole country does this, in fact i'm pretty sure i didn't know that the name had been changed to willis tower until i moved here. oh well, 3/5.

6. take visitors to the top of the hancock for the view, not the observation deck, and know that the best view is from the planetarium


this is my favorite one. the hancock is two blocks from my apartment, and i have taken every single person who has visited since i've lived here to the signature lounge at the top. (observation deck? what observation deck?)

yeah, it's really nice, and you can hang out and enjoy it while you sip a refreshing overpriced cocktail (or use the restroom, if you happen to be a lady), but there's something very big and distinctive missing from this picture - the hancock tower. you're on top of it. that's why i also take visitors out to the end of northerly island, by the planetarium.

in fact it one of the first places i visited after moving here, way back in the days when i lived in the south loop, and it quickly established itself as one of my favorite places in chicago. 4/6.

7. know the lyrics to "bear down," or at least know the chorus of "bear down" and mumble along with the rest


we've covered my feelings on sports, right? 4/7.

8. never put ketchup on a hot dog


duh, ketchup is an abomination. i never put ketchup on anything, it's an adulteration of one of my very favorite things on this great earth - tomatoes.

i'm tempted to amend this one to knowing all of the things that come on an authentic chicago dog.

pickles, onions, sport peppers, tomatoes, neon green relish, mustard, and celery salt on a poppy seed bun. i can also tell you that the hot dog above is not actually authentic because it was grilled, not steamed. 5/8.

9. can ride the L standing up without falling over


not only that, i can do it while reading a book.

i briefly considered giving myself only half of a point for this one - this morning while rushing to catch the red line (i could hear the train arriving as i got into the station) i had an incident with a turnstile in which one leg made it through and the other got left behind, causing me to half jump over the bar, only narrowly avoid faceplanting, and incur a massive bruise which is still spreading over my right thigh. it turns out that the train i heard pulling in was heading opposite the direction i was going. because this spectacular fail was turnstile related and turnstiles are not, to the best of my knowledge, associated with chicago more than any other place, i'm still giving myself 6/9.

10. have had deep dish at giordano's, gino's, and malnati's and established a preference


some time last november gnat's chicago experiment declared giordano's it's favorite chicago pizza after a near comprehensive review of deep dish options (including giordano's, malnati's, pizano's, and pizzeria due, but excluding gino's which i've only ever heard bad things about anyway).

deep dish is totally delicious, but i still refuse to classify it as pizza. it's more like a casserole that happens to use the same ingredients as pizza. in true chicagoan fashion, i can even tell you that giordano's is not technically deep dish pizza - it's stuffed pizza, which believe it or not isn't the same thing. it's still the best. 7/10.

11. this one was a rule about what you're supposed to call the freeways. my bad, highways. 


turns out "freeway" is something that only californians say. who knew? my knowledge of chicago's "highways" are so limited that i can't even sort this bullet point out. i don't have a car here, and have driven a grand total of 7 blocks in this great city (from my apartment at 18th and michigan to the jewel on roosevelt and dearborn, one time back in the south loop days) so i'm going to go ahead and say i'm 7/11. there was another rule about navigating side streets when the freeways are backed up, to which the obvious answer is no, i can't. i live far away from the freeway, and public transportation operates on surface streets. i do, however, appreciate eileen's description: "you've been stuck in traffic and know the side streets to get out, and you take them even though you know there's a good chance you might get shot."

12. know that any sunny, calm day above 60 degrees is meant to be spent outside, or wishing you were outside


ehhhhhhh... in my book, 60 degrees is pretty chilly. ask me again in two months, though, and i will be begging for 60 and sunny so i can frolic outdoors, so 8/12.

13. own a long down puff coat, but don't wear it unless it's below 20 degrees. or just don't own one, because 20 degrees isn't actually that cold and you aren't going to be outside for that long anyway.


ok, disagree disagree disagree. it's a 15 minute walk from my apartment to school or work and no good public transportation option exists to get there, so i'm exposed to the elements for a long enough time that i need my sleeping bag coat once it gets below 30. i even wear my sleeping bag coat to potash around the corner, but that's mostly because it has big pockets and i don't like taking my purse.

when it comes to winterwear, though, i've definitely had my fair share of failures. anyone remember the time i was running late to class and ended up wearing these shoes during a snowstorm?

because that happened. 8/13.

14. know that the best sausage is polish, the best beef is italian, and you always say yes to peppers


in light of a food field trip i took just this morning, i'm going to leave the sausage discussion for another post to come very, very soon.

i do love italian beef, and last july did a scientific comparison of italian beef options with jalees and nicole. in the same afternoon we tried both portillo's and al's #1, which happen to be across the street from each other.

we ruled that al's italian beef was better, but after trying mr. beef several months later while eric and laurena were in town i decided that it was my favorite. somehow i don't have any pictures. guess that means i have to go back.  9/14.

15. blame the chicago fire on a cow, and blame the cubs losing streak on a goat


before i went to see the cubs play i did some research on the curse of the billy goat, and as i am part greek and thus a little superstitious i am inclined to believe it. as for the cow - sure, why not? 10/15.

16. be aware that you should avoid o'hare at all costs, but buy the cheapest plane tickets available and then complain incessantly about having to to go o'hare


i've had delightful experiences and miserable experiences at both midway and o'hare, and i think that being able to navigate o'hare without issue (which i can do) is also a pretty good mark of a real chicagoan. virgin america only flies to o'hare, and i bought my thanksgiving plane tickets for $90 each way, so it looks like i'll be continuing to fly in and out of o'hare until southwest lowers their airfare. i will say that o'hare is a pain in the ass to get to, so i do a considerable amount of complaining whenever i have to go. 11/16.


17. have a fight with a cabbie about the best route to take


not only have i done this, but it was on the night that i moved here AND i did it in a foreign language after i called him out for talking about me to his friend on the phone. i'm giving myself two points for that one, after all i'm the one making up the rules here. 13/17.


18. love the "snl superfans," because you see these people in your home, your neighborhood, or your local bar cheering for da bears


i only just now youtubed "snl superfans" and am watching it for the first time. what's funny is that i totally get it - they really are everywhere. i still don't think i get points, at least not until i've had a chance to watch all of the sketches. 13/18.


19. go swimming in lake michigan, vacation in a small town along the lake


i don't know if you can call it swimming, but i have waded around in it. i have never made my way out of chicago along the lake in either direction though, unless you count evanston. since you can actually see chicago from evanston, i think it doesn't qualify. 13.5/19.

20. know what the stars on the chicago flag represent


the battle of fort dearborn, the chicago fire, the world's fair, and the century of progress expo. 14.5/20.


not great, but not awful. by this list, i suppose i almost qualify. still, everyone i've asked and everything i've read has some different idea about what it means to be a true chicagoan. some cite the die-hard love of your sports team, even when they lose, some think the most important quality is the slight insecurity about being a "second city" to new york despite fierce pride in being from chicago. in the nature of scientific research i took two online quizzes to test my chicago-ness. one, on quizilla, proudly declared me a chicagoan after i demonstrated that i could answer questions about which train lines go where and whether or not the direction of the river's flow was really reversed in the late 19th century (it was). on another, furnished by the chicago tribune, i scored a pathetic 4% as the questions were mostly about specific events and people that anyone living in chicago in the 80s and 90s would remember.

the real answer is that of course i'm not a true chicagoan. any real chicagoan would say i wasn't - i wasn't born here, i didn't grow up here, and as one article i read put it, chicago is not in my soul. in fact, true chicagoans wouldn't even consider someone like eileen, who was born and raised in the suburbs just outside of the city proper, a true chicagoan. stark definitions and border drawing aside, i know that it doesn't matter if i live here for a few more months or the next ten years - i will never be a true chicagoan. even if i explore every corner of the city,or equip myself with all of the knowledge there is about its history or sports teams or culinary idiosyncrasies, or master the art of going through turnstiles, as much as i love chicago now and as much as that love may grow as i continue exploring what it means to be a "true chicagoan" my heart will always be in california. wherever i may go, california is who i am.

so, thanks chicago, for letting this californian play dress-up as a chicagoan for so long. i've had 500 great days of chicago living, and i hope the ones that remain, however many they are, continue to be awesome.

gnat revisits al's (and gets it right, this time)

it's the end of the month and as of yesterday i had only completed one item out of five on my january chicago wishlist. totally unacceptable! not wanting to close the month with a dismal 20% success rate i crammed two more items from the list in at the last possible moment.

first, my triumphant return to al's beef:

i first visited al's with jalees and nicole back in august. i didn't find out until months later (thanks, man vs. food!) that REAL chicagoans get their al's beef "dipped" - the sandwich gets dunked into the vat of juice the beef was cooked in, because it just isn't messy enough to be worth eating otherwise.

so of course, i went back. i asked the guy behind the counter twice to make sure he actually dunked my sandwich this time, because it didn't look quite mushy enough to my untrained eye.

it was dunked, all right. as soon as i picked the thing up to get a picture it unleashed a greasy stream of liquid and i narrowly avoided a lap full of beef juice. the following is an actual look of shock and dismay captured by cara:

if you should ever find yourself at al's #1 beef, do yourself a favor and get your sandwich dunked.

this morning i walked down to navy pier to check out the snow sculpture competition at "snow days chicago." (see? i DON'T just write about food.) because i was feeling exceptionally touristy, i walked the scenic route along the lake. last time i was at this "beach" it was 95 degrees out... not so much, right now.

the snow sculptures were, predictably, completely awesome. i took a moment to discuss the ones i liked best with comedian bob newhart, a chicago native.

(just did some research. evidently this is his character dr. bob hartley's psychoanalyst couch from the bob newhart show.. for the purposes of this discussion i would like to pretend instead that i am on some sort of bob newhart talk show discussing snow sculpture ratings and how painful sitting on frozen metal couches can be.)

this wasn't one of my favorites but the others weren't quite as imitable as cranky captain america.

except maybe the medusa, but nobody was standing around to get a picture of my interpretation. it won first place!

my favorite was the second place winner. it's called "hommage a duchamp no. 2" and it's based on a marcel duchamp painting called nude descending a staircase no2.

i also liked this one, "that's a moray." yeah, it's actually called that.

an exhibition piece done by the team that won last year's competition. zoom in and look at the wrinkles in his face... that's all made of snow.

i'm not even certain i'm capable of putting together a half decent snowman. i haven't tried yet, but we're supposed to get a blizzard this week so there should be some prime snow frolicking days coming up.

the last two items on my list were a visit to the field museum and to go to a blackhawks game. both have been postponed (one due to a total fail on my part, the other completely zain's fault, or really zain's knee's fault) but by no means forgotten!

gnat devours four unlikely animals (in one fell swoop)

i knocked one and a half items off my january wish list today.

i know what you're thinking, "how do you knock half an item off a wish list, gnat?"

well, hockey is maybe a big deal in chicago, which to be fair i think i knew. the blackhawks won the stanley cup a few weeks before i moved here, and there were banners and lights and stuff all over the place, so i figured people must like them and they must be kinda good. still, somehow it didn't occur to me that i might not be able to find tickets to a game. as it turns out they still exist, but the games are in march and the tickets cost $400. not going to happen.

instead, i am going to watch a game at a blackhawks bar. this promises to be warmer and infinitely more terrifying (exhilarating?) than actually attending a game. there you go. half.

i also knocked a full item off the list - today andrew and i took a field trip to the famed encased meat emporium, the sausage superstore of lore, hot doug's! we braved the 50 minute schlep to a neighborhood that even google maps doesn't have a name for (let's call it west and kinda north somewhere) and stood outside in the bitter cold (have i mentioned yet how cold it is here? because it's pretty cold) in a line wrapped around the building for hot dogs. but not just any hot dogs:

the game of the week! can you read that? it says:

"the mountain man (a damn tasty combination of elk, antelope, venison, and buffalo) with blackberry mustard and goat cheese"

i had never eaten any of those animals before (i had seen them in zoos, not the same thing) and though blackberry mustard sounded questionable i am a fan of anything with goat cheese on it. pictured here with duck fat fries!

(upon checking the website just now to verify my description of this item, i found that the weekly special had been changed to smoked spicy alligator sausage with shrimp remoulade. holy crap, i need to go back tomorrow.)

delicious. totally worth standing outside and not being able to feel my toes for 45 minutes. mission accomplished... for now.

gnat breaks radio silence

happy new year! did you miss me?

so, i'm still in california, albeit only for about 20 hours longer. my boarding pass has been printed, my laundry is done, things are mostly sorted and packed. the weather has been checked - no snow in the forecast, so fingers crossed for no delays. tomorrow's high will be 19 degrees. ("feels like" 7. excellent.) lets be real kids, this is probably the last entry i will write for months in which i don't complain about how miserably cold i am. brace yourselves, i know i am.

i never make new years resolutions but i decided to make one this year, which is to take more initiative in exploring and enjoying chicago. my january wishlist includes but is not limited to the following:

- blackhawks game, preferably with someone who a) understands hockey and b) is patient enough not to care that i will require constant explanation of the action

- revisiting al's #1 beef (remember why?)

- snow days chicago, which includes a snow sculpting competition. and dog sled races. why not?

- field museum

- hot doug's. (how have i still not been here? duck fat fries that don't result in unsightly and uncomfortable duck fat blisters, yes please!)

stay tuned for these adventures and more, and to find out if my girl guy is still standing out there singing even though it's 13 degrees below freezing!

gnat attains a sense of normalcy

i haven't had much to update about, let's chalk it up to i'm starting to settle into normal life and nothing extraordinary and blog-worthy has really happened.

mostly i've been doing the following:

- school, which continues to be great.

- looking for work, as of yet unsuccessfully. fingers crossed.

- chillin'. literally. it's starting to get cold here, guys.

other activities include cooking experimentally. cara has been kind enough to indulge my silly cooking whims, like the night i decided i had to make borscht:

in other cooking news, i hosted my first (of many, i hope) chicago-based taco tuesday! unfortunately i neglected to take any pictures. total fail.

i joined an a capella choir, which is awesome except that it's on the main campus in evanston. i take a lot of long train rides that look like this:

yesterday, because i was out of canvas and i didn't have much to do, i went on a field trip to michael's in lakeview. it was beautiful out, so i thought instead of taking the bus i'd walk a little bit and enjoy the weather while i can... i ended up walking the 7 miles up and down clark street.

i did some people watching and staked out places i'd like to visit later, including the chicago history museum at clark and north. unfortunately i didn't stop to take pictures of many things, except this silly looking storage facility:

once i procured the canvas i was able to sketch this, which is going up in our living room:

hopefully it will mitigate some of the utter beige-ness.

and now, it's time for a...

FALL FOLIAGE UPDATE!

we've started to make the transition from green to yellow.

if you look closely you can see a few reds peeking out on the lower right hand side.

with that, i close what felt like the dullest account yet of my chicago adventures. i'll make sure the next one is more exciting...

gnat settles (back) in

here's a sampling of the things i've done since being back:

for my first dinner upon returning, i had a meal that (kinda) encompassed two chicago staples, courtesy of potash brothers market around the corner. (microwave) deep dish pizza and old style beer. old style is evidently a midwest thing and is big in chicago. upon googling it a few moments ago, i discovered that it is brewed by pabst brewing company. whether it's a step above or a step below PBR, i can't decide.

i procured carmine II from best buy down the street. their rationale is that it was more cost effective for geek squad to replace him than to try to fix him. RIP, carmine I.

i found PRODUCE!!! well, actually cara did while i was out of town. we went to stanley's produce market, which houses a cornucopia of fresh, beautiful, and (most importantly) cheap fruits and veggies. we are now the proud owners of a fridge full of happy green things.

and of course, red things. i still have no clue whether i'll be able to find these guys, the availability of which are a major factor in my happiness quotient, in a few months. i guess only time will tell.

we got a couch! and it is EXACTLY the same color as our walls. and our floors. and the rest of our furniture. remedying this situation with color accents is next up on my to-do list.

also on my to-do list are acquiring a kitchen table and chairs, more vigorous job hunting, and continuing my epic, now two month long battle with the wireless router. as of right now, we are tethered to within four feet of the ethernet jack. if you have any technologically savvy friends in the chicago area, please PLEASE send them my way.

gnat out.

gnat walks the fine line between avoiding waste and having a hoarding disorder

i hate packing. i have packed boxes and boxes and boxes and still i can only see about one square foot of bedroom underneath all of the crap. crap i have no earthly idea what to do with. crap that i know i haven't seen in five years which feels impossible because it's only been two since last time i moved. how did i accumulate so much stuff? i don't want to keep it but i feel intensely guilty for wanting to throw it away, it's not bad, or old, it's just useless, to me at least. i wish i could find homes for all of it but there just isn't time...

at least packing is keeping my mind off how much i am freaking out about moving. something else to focus on.

ugh. it's going to be a rough week.

things gnat needs to work up the nerve to throw away today:

- "bison" colored can of paint. ("bison" is a nicer description, it seems, for the color of crap. it's a can of crap colored paint.)

- four sets of banged up but still functional plastic drawers.

- 17284392925 plastic hangers. can i donate these? sell them back to target?

- a pirate flag. yep, a pirate flag.

- pennies. a billion pennies. wtf, pennies. i can't even use you to do my laundry. you suck.