gnat expounds on a terrifying weather phenomenon

when i was three years old, my family picked up and left sunny southern california and moved to this house in springfield, illinois for my dad's work. my parents had only ever lived in egypt and los angeles, so it's no surprise that it only took one winter for them to decide that snow and ice were not for them. as we prepared to make the move back to california, the people of springfield expressed their alarm at the idea. weren't we afraid of earthquakes?

i ask this of the midwest - how in the name of all natural disasters are earthquakes scarier than tornadoes!?

this is actually a debate i've been having with andrew (who grew up in iowa, where tornadoes are a thing) since shortly after i moved here. i firmly believe that tornadoes are way scarier and more destructive than earthquakes. the typical earthquake causes you to wake up wondering why your picture frames are slightly askew on the wall, whereas the typical tornado picks you and your picture frames up off the ground and carries you to a different state. yesterday i expressed my disappointment at having lived in the midwest for almost a year and a half and not having seen a tornado. it was my belief that they happened all the time and that surely by now i would have experienced one. in fact, the day i moved here my connecting flight out of las vegas was grounded for several hours because of a tornado watch in chicago. do i possess some kind of tornado repellant quality? andrew's response shocked me - in 26 years, he has never once actually laid eyes on a tornado. at that moment i considered the argument automatically won. in case any doubt still existed, i consulted wikipedia for some data.

in the year 2011, there have been no earthquake related casualties in the united states. there have been approximately 550 tornado related casualties, 159 of which occurred during the may 22 joplin, missouri tornado. granted, this is atypical - there have been more tornado related deaths this year than in the last ten combined. in fact, 2011 has been the deadliest tornado year since 1936. the deadliest earthquake in california history (the 1906 san francisco earthquake, 7.9) was devastating not because of the quake itself but the fires that followed it. the two deadliest in my lifetime, the 1989 loma prieta (7.1) and the 1994 northridge (6.7), killed 63 and 33 people respectively. following the northridge earthquake, massive changes were made to building codes and existing structures were retrofitted to reduce the destruction caused by future quakes.

(please note: this discussion is limited to california earthquakes. earthquakes everywhere else in the world, yeah, fine, they're totally terrifying. take for example the 9.0 that hit japan in march. way scarier than a tornado.)

in the process of compiling all of this hideously depressing data, i also discovered that there is a natural phenomenon called a fire whirl, which looks like something out of a harry potter movie. it is literally a vortex of flame. they are very rarely captured on film, in fact a google image search for "fire whirl" turned up no results that weren't disappointing. i did, however, find a video.

what are your thoughts, internets? are tornadoes scarier than earthquakes?

gnat devours four unlikely animals (in one fell swoop)

i knocked one and a half items off my january wish list today.

i know what you're thinking, "how do you knock half an item off a wish list, gnat?"

well, hockey is maybe a big deal in chicago, which to be fair i think i knew. the blackhawks won the stanley cup a few weeks before i moved here, and there were banners and lights and stuff all over the place, so i figured people must like them and they must be kinda good. still, somehow it didn't occur to me that i might not be able to find tickets to a game. as it turns out they still exist, but the games are in march and the tickets cost $400. not going to happen.

instead, i am going to watch a game at a blackhawks bar. this promises to be warmer and infinitely more terrifying (exhilarating?) than actually attending a game. there you go. half.

i also knocked a full item off the list - today andrew and i took a field trip to the famed encased meat emporium, the sausage superstore of lore, hot doug's! we braved the 50 minute schlep to a neighborhood that even google maps doesn't have a name for (let's call it west and kinda north somewhere) and stood outside in the bitter cold (have i mentioned yet how cold it is here? because it's pretty cold) in a line wrapped around the building for hot dogs. but not just any hot dogs:

the game of the week! can you read that? it says:

"the mountain man (a damn tasty combination of elk, antelope, venison, and buffalo) with blackberry mustard and goat cheese"

i had never eaten any of those animals before (i had seen them in zoos, not the same thing) and though blackberry mustard sounded questionable i am a fan of anything with goat cheese on it. pictured here with duck fat fries!

(upon checking the website just now to verify my description of this item, i found that the weekly special had been changed to smoked spicy alligator sausage with shrimp remoulade. holy crap, i need to go back tomorrow.)

delicious. totally worth standing outside and not being able to feel my toes for 45 minutes. mission accomplished... for now.