gnat finally makes it to kuma's

if i were going to write a post called "gnat's favorite burger" we all know who would win already.

duh.

however, as the aforementioned burger does not exist anywhere in the vicinity of my current place of residence, i have to get my burger fix elsewhere. longtime readers will recall that five guys failed to impress:

i've also tried epic burger, m burger, and dmk burger, the counter, the crack-donalds, and of course the billy goat (amazing), but last week i had a burger that outshone all of chicago's other burger offerings that i've experienced thus far:

the absu burger at kuma's corner.

i first heard about kuma's long before i moved to chicago, by way of diners drive-ins and dives. i knew immediately that i needed to eat there, but it's quite a schlep via the cta and the wait for a table in the tiny dining room regularly tops two and a half hours - in the last two years i've attempted to eat there and failed no fewer than four times. last week i finally made it, and boy was it worth the wait.

kuma's appears in the top five of just about every "best burger in chicago" list there is, and for good reason. all of the burgers are named after metal bands, and all of them are topped creatively and deliciously (read: ridiculously... we're talking brie and bourbon poached pears, cream cheese and chorizo stuffed jalapeno poppers, pulled pork and pancetta). mine had tomatillo salsa, avocado relish (avocado relish? what? how is this different from guacamole?), pepperjack cheese, queso fresco, and deep fried jalapeno and habanero peppers, on a super clutch pretzel bun.

i apologize for the poor quality of the photos, to be completely honest i was way too hungry to be even marginally concerned about the lightning, and too covered in burger flotsam and jetsam to fiddle much with the settings on my camera and get a better shot.

and now, i give you a collection of quotes from how i met your mother which pretty much nail my feelings about this burger:

"this burger is so good, it's like christmas in my mouth. meat christmas."
"it's like an angel from heaven landed in the kitchen of mcclaren's... where the chef killed it and ran it through the meat grinder."
"i love this burger so much i want to sew my ass shut."
"oh my god. i'm never brushing my teeth again. unless it's with a toothbrush made from this burger."
"i want to take this burger out to dinner, then maybe a movie, then take it back to my place, put on a little terrence trent d'arby and just... fool around a bit, nothing serious. take it slow."
"i want to get tiny fitted sheets for this burger, and just... crawl into the bun, get all cozy, and die there."

my stomach is begging me to go back, my arteries are begging me to stay far, far away. let's take a crazy guess which will win.